Taboo Read online

  There he is again, back in my thoughts. The more I think about everything the madder I get and before I know it, I can barely breathe with the heaviness of my frustration mixed with Levi’s arms. I slide out from under his hold and decide I have to respond to Noah right now. Leaving this to fester in my mind will only be toxic for me and that’s the last thing I need. I’ve lived with hope of having him in my life for too many years for him to play with my mind like this.

  I walk through the house and find it empty. His bedroom door is open and I can hear the water running in his bathroom. Through the lump in my throat, I swallow hard and take the few steps it takes to get to the foot of his bed and sit quietly. Waiting for him to come out is a mind fuck, but I hold strong knowing I need to get this off my chest. He doesn’t get to make me feel like this anymore.

  He steps out, instantly seeing me. His hair is wet and his chest is covered with moisture. Steam rolls out of the bathroom behind him and for a moment I can’t speak as I watch him approach me.

  “You’re not hiding this time.” His voice snaps me back to reality, so I quickly stand. “If I would’ve known you’d be sneaking into my bedroom, I would’ve let you be the one to jack me off in the shower.” His boldness surprises me, even though it shouldn’t. He’s obviously more secure with himself now than he ever was in high school. The Noah I knew never would’ve talked to me like he has the past few days.

  “I’m only here to tell you that you have to stop. You don’t get to play games with my head while you sit back and laugh at the destruction.” He moves closer, slowly taking my breath away with every step he takes.

  “Who says I’m playing games?”

  “I do. You pushed me away just the other night if you don’t remember, then I start seeing Levi and now you’ve conveniently changed your mind.”

  “I just came to my senses. You convinced me that I need to think about this a little harder.” He takes my hand and puts it over the towel that’s wrapped around his waist, pushing my hand into his own hardness as he says the word. I battle with the realization that I’m now the one playing games, pretending as if I haven’t waited years for this and acting like I don’t want it right now.

  I pull my hand away, but he doesn’t budge. He stands over me with every bit of confidence he’s had since I walked into this house the other night.

  “Tell me you haven’t thought about what it’d be like to fuck me. To have my dick between your legs, making you scream until you don’t have the energy to fucking walk.” He pulls me against his body abruptly, lifting my chin until I’m looking into his eyes. “Can you tell me that, Kali?” I don’t respond, because he’d know I’m lying if I told him I hadn’t. And if I told him the truth, I’m afraid it would start something I’m not prepared to say no to.

  “Stop.” It’s only a whisper, but it’s enough to keep him from moving any closer. “Please just let me say what I came in here to say.” He doesn’t remove his hand from my neck or the one holding my lower back so that I’m pressed against him.

  “Say what you came to say.” He’s too close. I thought I could feel the weight of him earlier, but that didn’t compare to the heaviness I’m experiencing now. “Kali. Tell me that this isn’t what you came for.” He drops his towel and I push against his chest to get away from him.

  “How can you do this to me?”

  “Tell me what I’m doing.” He walks over to the door, casually closing it before he turns to look at me again. He’s naked and watching me differently than he has before. I’m almost afraid to know what he’s thinking and what made him change the way he’s acting towards me.

  “I thought I was like family to you. That you can’t be with me because of our parents being married and us living together fifteen damn years ago. Remember you telling me that you’ll never be able to fuck me because you consider me a sister and that I’d only be a piece of ass to you.” He looks down as I continue spouting off all the things he said to me the other night. “And now you think you can just drop your towel and what Noah? You think I’ll just drop to my knees like a whore and take you to the back of my throat?”

  I get louder the more I go on. I’m infuriated that he’s shifting like this after I’ve started spending time with Levi. In fact, I’m actually enjoying what little time I’ve had with him where we weren’t having some damn crisis of mine to deal with. “Why are you doing this now? After the way you’ve treated me the past few days and all the repulsed looks you’ve glared in my direction.” He walks toward me as I walk backwards. I stop with my back against his door once again and he puts his palm on the door above my head just like he did the other night.

  “I’m sorry, Kali. You don’t repulse me. It’s the opposite. Feel what you do to me.” He pulls my right hand into his and moves it over his cock again. His lips move close to mine and I fight every ounce of restraint I have left to say one tiny word.

  “No.”

  “Do you really mean no? Because if you say it one more time, I’m throwing you out of here.” He stares into my eyes and even if I tried to pull away from him, I wouldn’t get very far before I feel him again. He has this hold over me and he has almost my entire life. But I have to fight these feelings, even though I know I’ll think about this moment countless times in the future.

  I hate that I can’t just stay in here and finally take what I’ve wanted for so long, but it all comes back to the way he treated me the other night. I can’t and I won’t put up with him being a complete asshole and he seems to be really good at it lately.

  He pushes against me again, this time making sure his dick grinds against my pelvis. “Shit Kali, I’ve wanted to touch you for so long.” His lips brush against mine just before he inhales deeply and slams his mouth over my lips. His tongue fights against my will power, taking away any chance I had of stopping this. Our hands grope with desperation and before I have a chance to realize what’s happening, he’s lifted my legs around his waist, sliding me higher on the door.

  “I need you, Kali.”

  Chapter Ten

  Noah

  She’s making me insane. Her kiss is every bit as tempting as I thought it’d be. Chaos filled with heavy breathing and desperation slams me straight into a frenzy of trying to get as close to her as I can.

  Her hair drapes down between us, tangling in my fingers when I try to hold her head. It seems to cause her to freeze up and now she no longer matches the intensity coursing through my body.

  I’m on fucking fire and she’s going to pull away. I can feel her already doing it.

  “I need you, Kali,” I repeat and continue kissing her neck, biting just slightly when it’s completely exposed for me.

  “Noah, I can’t.” Her whisper against my ear should cause me to stop the trail of kisses I’m spreading over her chest, but it doesn’t. Ignoring her should bring her back to where we were a few minutes ago, but it doesn’t.

  “Stop.” She places her hand on my chest again and I have no choice but to end what should be the first time we’re having sex together.

  “Can you tell me you’re not craving this?” I grip her hair and force her to look into my eyes as my deep grumble comes out sounding just as frustrated as I am.

  The raw emotion of being this close to her nearly has me setting her on her feet and walking away once again. There’s so much between us and I know we haven’t begun to scratch the surface of the issues we have, but right now in this moment all I can think of is sinking my dick deep inside her so I can listen to her moan for me this time.

  “Not like this.” Instant irritation spreads through me at her rejection. I let her slide down my body and take a few steps back. I start stroking my cock as I stand there looking at her. Her eyes drop immediately as she realizes what I’m doing.

  “How then? On the bed, in the shower or we could always go for a fuck in the pool, since you seem to like that.” Her stance shifts immediately, just like I knew it would. I know this is about to turn into a conversation about th
e past and what’s festering between us. I’m not ready to talk about all of that; hell, it took everything in me just to approach her like I did just now.

  “You’re an ass for saying that.”

  “Well you did, seem to like it out there.” My stroking slows, but I continue as she walks across the room.

  “Can you stop doing that?” She’s annoyed and for some reason that makes me happy, because there’s no one in this house more infuriated than I am.

  “Only if you take over. I’m not exactly a fan of having blue balls after you leave my bedroom again.” She tilts her head as she processes what I’m saying.

  “You didn’t…”

  “No, I didn’t fuck those girls the other night. I kicked them out when I thought you left.” For a brief minute, I see her trying to comprehend what’s going on between us.

  “Why did you treat me like that? I came here to check on you and wanted to see how your life is going.” Sadness spreads over her face, making me feel guilty for causing her any more pain after the shitty few days she’s been having.

  “Because I wanted you to leave. I didn’t want to think about what I’d do to you if given the chance.” She sits on the edge of my bed and by now I’ve stopped jerking off and I’m trying to figure out how to move on from here. Do I treat her like shit to get her to leave and never come back to me, or do I slide her on her back and try to go after what I’ve been craving over half my life?

  “You looked so cold that night. I’ve never seen you like that before.” Her words are barely a whisper and her hair hides her face as she looks down at her fidgeting hands before she continues. “I’ve loved you my entire life and it dawned on me that night that I don’t even know you. The Noah I know isn’t capable of playing that dirty. You knew I was in here and you deliberately brought those girls in to rub in my face. That hurt.”

  “You snuck into my room.” She interrupts me before I can say anything else.

  “I didn’t know it was your room. I just wanted to go somewhere private so I could wait on my ride without anyone seeing me like that.” I move to sit next to her, not bothering to cover up with my towel or anything else for that matter.

  “You liked watching, didn’t you? I could feel you in the room. Wishing it was you there with me.”

  She doesn’t respond, but her silence says everything. I slide my hand behind her neck, pulling her face toward me once again. She jerks away before I have the chance to kiss her. “We take turns fighting this, don’t we, Kali?” She stands quickly, exhaling loudly before she starts pacing.

  “I’m having fun with Levi. You don’t get to play mind games with me. That’s why I came in here in the first place.” I watch her ass as it passes me a few times with her nervous striding back and forth.

  “I’m not playing games. This is who I am, Kali. Still fucked in the head when it comes to you.” She stops directly in front of me, focusing on my eyes and placing her hands on her hips. She looks sexy as fuck when she’s mad. “I’d give anything to fuck that sass right out of you.” I stand and stalk toward her slowly. She’s about to give in, I can tell.

  “How about we fuck first, talk later. Something tells me we’d have different things to talk about.” I’m stroking myself again as I take the final few steps to reach her. Her eyes fall to my cock and I can’t hold back the smirk that spreads across my face. “I’ve never had to work this hard for sex, but something tells me you’re worth it.”

  “All these years I’ve wanted you to look at me like you are right this very minute. And now that you are, I can’t stand it. I know you’re only doing this because you don’t want Levi to be with me.” She walks to the door and this time I don’t follow.

  “You think you know me so well, Kali.”

  “I did know you. You’ve changed.” She flips around to give me one last look before she reaches for the door knob.

  “Maybe I have. But something tells me you like this guy.” She slowly shakes her head, denying what I’m saying. “Why don’t you stop playing the games now and drop to your knees?” Her jaw drops open when I say what I know she’s itching to do. “Take my big cock to the back of that sexy throat until I control your breathing.”

  “Fuck you, Noah.” She adjusts her clothes and yanks the door open, leaving in a haste. Levi walks by right after she walks out; the look on his face tells me he doesn’t appreciate the fact that she just ran out of here while I stand here naked with my hand on my dick. Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m not fond of it either.

  “What the fuck did you just do?”

  I pull a pair of sweats from the edge of the bed and slide them on before I answer. If he attacks me, I don’t need my dick trying to help me kick his ass. “What I should’ve done years ago.”

  He walks in with his fucking hair standing on end in every direction, yet still looking like he could put on a suit and pull off a business look. “Did you fuck her?” He’s pissed and he should be.

  “Not yet.” He charges at me, diving and slamming us both into my dresser.

  “You fucking dick. You know she’s staying with me.” He lands a punch to my stomach and I get him in the jaw before Kali rushes in and starts screaming at both of us.

  “Stop! Fucking stop it right now. I’m not dealing with this shit.” She grips his shirt and pushes against my chest to separate us. “Levi, you don’t get to fight over me. I’m not yours to fight over. And you ass,” she shoves me and stands against me while she finishes. “I know you just antagonized him and I’m done playing your games. I’m getting a hotel until I can move back into my own house.” She stomps out while we both work to catch our breath.

  “Tell her I’m leaving on business and you both have the house for a week.” Levi squints at me, knowing I’m lying about having a business trip, but he doesn’t argue with me or try to ask questions. We both know it’ll be easier this way.

  I start folding some clothes into a suitcase while he stands there and watches me. “Did your ass really finally decide to give in to her?”

  His words make me pause as I think of the best way to respond to him. “Yes.”

  “What is it you want from her?”

  “I don’t want anything. It was a stupid move on my part and it’s obvious we’ll never be anything more than whatever the fuck we are right now.” He doesn’t respond. He just watches me with curiosity in his face. I need to avoid talking to him too, since he’s made it his life mission recently to tell me how I’ve fucked up for years where Kali is concerned. I don’t need another reminder; there’s enough torture in my own thoughts about her already.

  Chapter Eleven

  Kali

  It’s been four days since Noah left and that’s how long I’ve been trying to process everything he said to me before he walked out the door. Levi has been extremely helpful and has even given me the space I’ve needed to think about things, but I can feel him trying to pull away. I refuse to let him. He’s been an amazing friend to me over the past week and I don’t know how I would’ve made it without him.

  “What are your plans for the day?” Levi rolls toward me, rubbing his face in the process.

  “I’m going to take your friend up on that offer and take that job at Mike’s. I need normalcy in my life.” He sits up quickly before he leans over me.

  “You’re going to get so fucking tired of seeing me. But at least this way I can make sure you’re safe.” He’s taking a few shifts as a bouncer at one of his friend’s clubs. I’ll be waitressing because Mike assured me I’d make great tips, so I’m sure this will help me get some money saved up fast to get a car again.

  “I doubt I’ll get tired of you. I just want to get some money saved up so I can get a new place and a car.”

  “You can take my truck until you buy a car. I can ride the bike until then.” He has a motorcycle that I haven’t seen him on yet.

  “What would I do without you?”

  “You’d be lost.” He leans over to leave a peck on my lips before
he climbs over me and walks into the bathroom, closing the door. There’s that pulling away I’ve been feeling.

  I throw the covers off my legs and follow him, opening the door to him standing in front of the toilet taking a piss.

  “You want to hold it for me or something?” He turns just enough that I can see his dick and the stream of pee flowing from it.

  “No. Why are you pulling away from me?” He lowers his head again, turning so I can’t see his face.

  “I’m giving you the space you need to figure out your life. Believe me, it’s not something I want to do.” He shakes off the last few drips before he turns the shower on.

  “Then stop. If I’m going to figure this out, I need you to be normal with me. I don’t want you to hold back because I’m not some fragile woman that can’t handle you at your best.” He smiles and exhales in relief.

  “Thank god. My dick is going to fall off if I don’t get to touch you soon.” He approaches me with a hunger in his eyes and I don’t make him say anything more before I start pulling my tank top and shorts off.

  “Jesus, Kali. How did you get to be so perfect?” His breath hits my ear, sending chills over my naked skin.

  “You’re not so bad yourself, you know. A girl could get used to waking up next to this face every morning.” I grip his chin in my hand and pull his face toward mine. He doesn’t give me a chance to say anything further before he covers my lips with his. He pulls the shirt off his back and kicks his shorts off in record time.

  Grabbing my ass, he lifts me around his waist. The muscles in his arms shift under my hands and I take this opportunity to explore him all over again. As my fingers run down his back, he moves us until my back is against the wall in the shower and the water is racing down both of our bodies.